Cosplay preplanning

The Birth Of The Dwarven Race

Long before our times, during the times of yore when great beasts stalked the darkness and tore civilization’s forebears asunder, there came to this world a strange new race: the dwarves. The ancestry of the dwarves is muddled and confused, often times contradictory, impossible, incestuous or all three. This can mainly be contributed to the dwarven tendency to keep their history through the use of engravings, rather then books or even oral tradition. Dwarves, being a subterranean people, rarely create paper and lack the memories to pass down stories of their ancestors in any reasonable fashion; this inability is mostly blamed on their near constant state of inebriation. Also unfortunate to would be historians is the dwarven tendency to place these historical engravings 60 feet underground and surrounded by all manner of deadly traps, questionable architecture and various slavering beasts. If one didn’t know better it would seem as though they are deliberately hiding their past.

Through what can be recovered the origin of dwarven kind (according to their creation myths) is as follows:

Once, long ago, a particularly ugly and foul tempered mountain goat raped a particularly hairy and insane Mandrill atop a pile of stones and vomit. From this coupling was born the first of dwarven kind, the Mountain King. He was born with a battle ax and bottomless tankard clutched in his tiny hands and his body was covered in such copious amounts of hair that he might easily have been mistaken for a bearded bear cub. The Mountain King was raised by a Granite Boulder and grew strong upon a diet of booze, cave mushrooms and the blood of his enemies. At age 4 he killed a bear in a staring contest and at age 7 he domesticated the first wagon. Upon his ascendancy into manhood he destroyed the boulder which had raised him and reshaped it into the first anvil, proclaiming:

“Reg limar, abod ber, avuz thol, or mabdug, nokor buket!”

These words would echo forever through dwarvenkind, though it is said that another phrase was within this motto. The lost phrase is said to have been:

“Gatiz emar agak.”

Though what this phrase means has been lost to us and inquiries to dwarven historians often end in violence. What little can be gathered is that it seems to relate to animal husbandry.

His childhood behind him, the Mountain King set about founding the first Mountain Home, digging out most of the mountain by himself using only his bare hands and frighteningly calloused manhood. His lavish home now complete and balanced entirely upon a single pillar he set out to make his name known and to find a wife worthy of baring his fuzzy offspring. The first civilization he came upon were the elves, a race of naked and eternally beautiful feyfolk who abhorred the use of trees or animals for any means. It was said that when they met the Mountain King was in the process of beating a mountain lion to death with a wolf. The elves, in their kindness, attempted to persuade the Mountain King to follow their naturalistic ways. In response the Mountain King tore off the head druid’s face and promptly began using it as his undergarments. Before the shocked elven masses he announced:

“Etar linem etes gubel lor."

Which, roughly translated, means:

“Your king blows my bulbous tool.”

Since this epochal meeting the relations between the elves and dwarves have continued to be tense, often times ending in massive forest fires, rampant cannibalism, horrifying dismemberment or, worst of all, crossbreeding. His duty done, the Mountain King continued his journey through the primal world. He next came upon the goblins and was delighted to find that their skinny limbs and necks broke with even the gentlest of hammer blows. After a brief campaign of recreational genocide the Mountain King grew bored of his new playthings and continued on, leaving the goblins broken and scattered, connected only by their intense hatred of small, bearded people. This hatred continues to this day, resulting in nearly constant goblin raids against dwarven settlements. Unfortunately, goblins' limbs and neck still snap with the ease of twigs, making these valiant efforts more or less meaningless.

The last race which the Mountain King discovered was that of Humans, still in their fragile and frightened infancy. Taking rare pity upon the gangly and awkward race, the Mountain King gifted them with weapons, armor and booze, ensuring a stable business and war partner as well as drinking buddy for generations to come. It was after finding this last race that the Mountain King realized he was still without a wife and was beginning to feel the effects of his decades of celibacy. After a tour of countless brothels and leaving a swath of broken pelvises and dislocated jaws behind him The Mountain king finally returned to his home. Determined to have his bride, the Mountain King built a tower to the heavens themselves and petitioned Armok, God of Blood, to grant him a wife. Armok agreed, on the condition that all their descendants from first to last be cursed with a tendency to die horribly. The Mountain King gladly agreed.

The wife which he was given, The Queen of All Stone, was truly a rightful receiver of his seed and wore a beard that could match his own. It was from these two that all dwarven kind sprang (or walked, being that dwarves don't really spring, hop, jump, skip or do anything that means removing more than one foot from the ground).

From this common ancestor onward the genealogy is scattered and unsure, engraved upon bars of soap and metal beds across the world. Many believe that the first child of the Mountain King was a girl by the name of Urist. Records become scarce beyond this but what little can be found indicate that she was notorious trickster and prone to paranoid mania, preferring to remain isolated. From this point on we can only guess.

 

That is painful to read, or rather it is painful to TRY to read it.

 

Elf ;P theres gonna be a new elf figure coming out. it will have different hair and 2 additional weapons (total of 4 weapons)...

 

FUCKING ARMOK DAMNED ELVES I HATE ELVES.

 

This is a cosplay thread FYI.
I'm posting possible cosplayer dresses (which can both be dwarf or anime character outfits), not anime, because I don't give you free moviez.

 

No it's a dorfthread, it has been claimed in the name of armok from you damn elves.

 

If you're small, fat and hairy or like to see alike you would obiously prefer dwarf clothing as cosplay costume, but it's still a cosplay thread ...
Personally I prefer this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrEvqyARDnc&feature=related
everyone can post the cosplay he likes, y u mad tho?

 

Dorfs do not cosplay, cosplay is stupid elf nonesense, dorfs strike the elves in the head with the *silver war hammer* crushing the skull into the brain and tearing the brain, the elves have been struck down.

 

Why would dwarfs cosplay as dwarfs? ... that would be silly, they cosplay as humans, obvioudly, so you can't find them, so do elfs, only humans cosplay as non-humans ...

 

ok you win..

 

CUT THEM DOWN BROTHERS
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1bIvjuNtSU&feature=fvw

Purge the weaboo. Burn the furry. Destroy the otaku.

 

Then it's time for a counter measure:

 

Dwarf Fortress 40k concept


Purge the weaboo. Burn the furry. Destroy the otaku.

 

I should really edit the text files to make elves into animefags.

Also I so totally have to make a 40k themed fort now.

 

Too fancy to care.

 

fixed.

 

Zeke, nice to see your change of heart to the good side for once.