EMPTY'S DATE : a Musical by Andrew Lloyd Webber

For those who keep up to date, I set up Empty on a blind date with one of my friends. She had to date anyone I chose because I won a bet.

Anyway, they are at Melbourne Zoo right this second. Empty will post an Infiltration style write-up about what happens, but because I know you guys are impatient here is everything I got this morning.

I swear there's no bias going on here

Empty texts me at 11:00 in the morning, the designated time of this 'date'

Of course, as the awesome dude I am known for, I jump on the nearest tram, and head over to that Zoo to cheer up my bud who I still haven't met.

I recognize Empty, but see him with some other people, and just keep walking. I text him asking why he brought some buds, he says they're his protection against Mr. Dei.

I turn around, and decide to actually introduce myself rather than going straight back home, and I see Empty and his date standing 2 metres apart, not knowing one another. It's a blind date anyway.

I laugh and walk towards Empty, while his 'date' goes to hug me. It was actually pretty awkward, especially that psuedo-smirk-glare I get from Empty, but whatever. Anyway, turns out the two guys he was with were actually a couple, the guy I assumed for a long-haired basement dweller was actually a good looking female.

His date's bodyguard had to do something else, and she demanded that I, being the most handsome, muscular, and all around awesome person, join them. Unwilling to cockblock somebody who has the ability to ban me, I make some bullshit excuse and begin to walk away. Also I tripped backwards over a pot in my attempt to give Empty a chance. They walk off, and his date says some naughty words to me when he's not looking.

DAMNIT EMPTY HURRY UP I WANT TO KNOW THE STUNNING CONCLUSION!

 

Empiresmod, creating love since 2006.

 

It's like some kind of soap opera. I'm sitting here hugging my couch cushion hitting the refresh button.

Actually naww i'm tired I'll just go to sleep.

 

im going to go with... "Dev burned empty with zoo option."

 

If you get Empty into a relationship and I lose my particle guy, you're banned anyway, so it's a lose-lose situation for you.

 

Particle guys are a dime a dozen. I could do it easy(not that I will, I have other commitments). In fact I have already done it to an extent. I took his over the top particles and made a pack for people who were crying. Just before he came out with the minecraft gfx to one up me.

 

Update: apparently it wasn't a complete train wreck. Bravo!

You would never do that. I am the only source of sustainable slightly-better-than-shitposting content on this forum. Everything would just get a whole lot duller. People would be crying in the streets. ukgamer would be cold and lonely at night. Krenzo would have 50% less male attention. People like WalMartGreeter or Moojuice would run wild without being slapped on the head and told to shut the fuck up.
Trust me, you need a Devourawr around these parts.

 

So did she bring a male friend or not?

Edit: Also, PICS OR IT DIDNT HAPPEN!

 

Stripping shit away does not make you talented. You cannot compete with Empty. Don't kid yourself.

 

But Trickster, a fulfilled sex life makes employees more productive!

 

She wanted to, but he flaked last minute. Then she tried pulling that shit on me, but I was all like 'nuh-uh-galfreeeend'. The other couple went off by themselves, so Empty and his date had a whole 3 hours alone.

I told Empty to take some damn photos, and from his response he did, but he might pussy out when it comes to posting them.

 

I hope nobody got hurt. Emotionally or physically.

 

I demand pictures!

 

yo i'm here back from shenanigans i'll do a quick writeup maybe more detail in the mornin.

gon read the thread first then give you guys the lowdown.

 

KK read over the thread and here's the abstract:

Devourawr didn't fuck me over
She's pretty cool
I didn't take photos (sorry the thought didn't occur but eh)
I think it went ok.

Writeup time.

Thursday night. Empty pulled up his chair next to his comrade at arms, Chengs (Chengs is my roommate). Chengs flicked the switch on the monitor and the machine buzzed to life.
They sat chatting idly, until the knot in Empty's stomach grew too much.
"Chengs, do you know when you agree to something, and then you just regret it more and more but it's too late to back out?"
Chengs stared at Empty bemused, "What are you getting at?"
"Well..." Empty paused.

"It's like this. I jumped on the emp forums the other night and did some talkin' and one of my empires friends brought up the idea for a blind date..."
Empty explained the situation in detail and Chengs listened closely.
When he finished, Chengs grabbed Empty's shoulder and stated "I'll come with you."
Manly tears were had.
Chengs sent a message off to his girlfriend (heretoforth referred to as Susan, to protect her identity)
She was immediately enthused and happy to go to the zoo, Chengs and Susan were pretty damn close, even Empty had to admit those two had some real chemistry going on.

With the details sorted, Empty and Chengs opened the video feed and cracked open a pair of ciders. They watched DragonBall Z together until 2am, then returned to their quarters to rest.

The next morning Empty arose out of bed early, and jumped in the shower.
"It's been a long time coming and we've had a good run. But I'm sorry old friend."
He brought the razor to his neck and slashed without remorse. Empty's Neckbeard was killed instantly.
He brushed his hair, donned his best pokemon T-Shirt (srsly) and prepared for the day. Chengs jumped in the shower and Empty headed downstairs to get some breakfast. Too nervous to do so, he simply drank some juice and mentally prepared himself for the unknowns that lay ahead.



A brief car trip later, Empty Chengs picked up Susan and headed to the Zoo. They arrived at 1045 hours, early enough.
The weather was fickle, Empty chuckled to himself. "Clouds cast shadows." he muttered under his breath. It was to be one of those Cold, Sunny days.
Empty company waited at the Rendezvous point until 1115, no sign of contact. Chengs made several wisecracks to ease the tension, pointing out old women, 8 year old girls and pregnant women and insinuating they were likely Empty's date. Empty chuckled outwardly but worried inwardly.

A message was beamed across to Devourawr, the transmission log was thus:

[This is the literal chatlog, no edits apart from names]

Empty: Im here do we have a meeting position.
Empty: Its all a giant prank at my expense right
Devourawr: Nope. Just wondering who this is, I don't recognize the number
A shiver ran down Empty's spine. Could Dev have set him up with the wrong number?
Empty: Empty faggot
Devourawr: Huh, it's Empty. Okay. I added your number, but it's not showing up as you. Wierd. Anyway, I'lll call and find out where she's at.
Devourawr: This is Jan, right? (Empty would later find out that her name was Jan, note that names have been changed to protect those involved)
Empty: ?
Devourawr: On my way. What gate are you at?
Empty: Main gate
Devourawr: This sounds like a giant setup, but I swear it isn't. Jan is going to be late. Good news is, I live close by so I can come chill until she arrives. Plus, she'll probably be by herself, so some good came of this.
Empty: Cool
Devourawr: Rickt, gorget which gat ethe 55 tram takes me but eithe way I'll be there soon. And ignore what I said earlier; she's getting a lift and will be there soon. But seeing as I'm do close, I can do introductions and head home
Empty: Cool
Devourawr: Fucking hell, wrong gate. Good thing it's a circle.
Time passed, and Empty and pals noticed a suspicious looking figure walk past, Empty realizing it may have been Devourawr thought fast and sent a text to confirm.
Empty: Where you at
Devourawr: You wouldn't have happened to bring friends, right?
Devourawr: :p
Dev was an observant one, he'd seen Empty's comrades. Backup in case devourawrs setup was bullshit, a prank or an elaborate ruse by Mr. Die himself.
Empty: Theyre backup justin case
Empty: mrdee etc
Devourawr:Hah. Good plan. Also mrdee could never get here.
Empty: Suuuure

From this point onwards the transmission log ended, Devourawr returned to the LZ and located the target, he introduced us swiftly.
"Jan, Aidan, Aidan, Jan"
Empty introduced his friends and explained they were here in case Devourawr was forming some intricate scheme.

Devourawr quickly made an exit, forcing Jan and Empty to proceed. They enterred the zoo and had a wander around, Chengs and Susan quickly took their leave, and Empty made his moves.

Unfortunately Empty has no game so it was initially rather awkward. Conversation was sparse mainly both parties sending out feelers to find common discussion ground. There wasn't a huge amount there, but as a whole they got on ok. Both sides were highly nervous, and rightly so, they knew little about eachother thanks to Devourawrs amazing planning and recon skills but they made do with the common ground of being screwed over by Dev.

They travelled around the zoo in a highly random pattern, spotting elephants, monkeys and lemurs, it was quite intriguing.
Then the weather changed for the worse, rain came down in buckets (it wasn't that bad really I'm exaggerating) so we decided to make for the food-court-ish area for shelter etc, we regrouped with Chengs and Susan and hung about for a little bit having wildly overpriced zoo chips and drinks. Jan had difficulty making conversation with Chengs and Susan which was fair enough due to her having no knowledge of them so lunch was fairly quiet, Chengs sensing danger, took Susan and ran, knowing Empty could hold the fort better solo.

From there it was a lot more relaxed, Empty and Jan travelled throughout the rest of the zoo, finishing up around the reptile area (indeed probably the best area as snakes were awesome and there was the most fucking adorable baby turtle like seriously holy crap I can't put it into words how adorably it was) Empty noticed her keen senses, she could point out the camouflaged and hidden reptiles far faster than he, and he respected her advanced skills.

From there time ran short, Empty had a de-briefing later that day and had to make his way into the city. They caught a train and exchanged numbers and farewells. From there, who knows where our heroes journey will continue. Even Empty has no clue what is in store next.

From that day forth, Empty's respect for Devourawr grew, he was a man of his word, shrewd but true to it. devourawr.respect++

Overall it was ok, we were both pretty shy (understandably) but it was pretty good I'd say. I dunno how much more information I'll share as time progresses, I'm not fully sure on how it'll progress from here but yeah. Devourawr didn't fuck me over and I'm grateful for that. I had a good time bro. Thanks.

 

A++ would read again.

No seriously, that is awesome. Also the presentation was easily 10/10, I burst out laughing at the neckbeard part.

I'm really happy for you but you didn't describe the lady so maybe you should add an asset description.

 

This made me spit my tea out of my nose and all over my keyboard.

 

Yeah 10/10, I actually laughed out loud quite a few times.