The Genesis of Empires 2.0

I made this post in the closed tester forum and was asked to repost it somewhere where everybody can read it:


In the beginning when Krenzo created the skybox and the earth, the servers
were a void and lag covered the maps.

Then Krenzo said “Let there be a full vis compile” and there was a full vis
compile. And Krenzo saw that the performance was better, and he separated
the good from the shitty maps. And he called the good maps Empires 2.0 and
the shitty map Gauntlet. And there was a PUG and there was a hotfix, the
thirty-first RC.

And Krenzo said “Let there be a skill for the scout, for that he may not suck
to play.” And Krenzo called the skill “Sabotage”. And it was so. And Krenzo
saw that the scout sucked less. And there was a PUG and there was a hotfix,
the thirty-second RC.

And Krenzo said “Let there be a nerf on the APC, so that it shall not be used
as offensive weapon.” And Krenzo reduced the APC’s hull health and he saw it
was good. And there was a PUG and there was a hotfix, the thirty-third RC.

And Krenzo said “It is not balanced when tanks pwnz0r riflemen all the time.
Let us make an anti-vehicle weapon in the image of the grenade” And he
made a weapon. And Krenzo saw that the weapon was good and he called it
the sticky nade. And there was a PUG and there was a hotfix, the
thirty-fourth RC.

And Krenzo said “It is unrealistic that vehicles drive through players, let us
code a roadkill feature” And he coded a roadkill feature. And Krenzo saw it
was good. And there was a PUG and there was a hotfix, the thirty-fifth RC.

And Krenzo said “Let the forum bring forth living creatures of every kind,
creeping things and wild animals of the earth of every kind.” And Krenzo saw
it was good.

Krenzo blessed them and Krenzo said to them: “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill
the servers and pwn them, and have dominion over the n00b comms of the
water under the unbuilt bridge and over the sixteen mined APCs of the air and
over every 3-phase jeep that moves upon the map.” Krenzo said: “See, I
have given you balanced weapons of every kind, and every tank that is upon
the face of all the earth, you shall have them for fun.”
And it was so.

 

bad ordering. roadkill came before any feature you listed :p

 

very clever though, very fun.

 

I knew I should've done all 35 RCs.

 

roadkill was removed in order to help with lagz0rz, then reimplemented when it could be.

 

you forgot bout the squad skills which was a major thing

 

You forgot about the "unmentionable one" who used to run his teammates over with a jeep.