Sorry, I just didn't expect somebody to post something this lame. That'll teach me to overestimate people's creativity and humor. Also, I bet 90 per cent of this forum's users can still post from school, work or uni when they don't have internet.
Did you drive the hand crankstart on your router? You need to spin it around at least 100 times to get the webengine to jump start. Also, you may need to put grease on your intertube connections to ensure a tight fit.