100 reasons why we love being men.

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. You know stuff about tanks.
4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
5. Monday Night Football.
6. You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives.
7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
8. You can open all your own jars.
9. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
10. Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind.
11. When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
13. All your orgasms are real.
14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
17. You understand why Stripes is funny.
18. You can go to the bathroom with out a support group.
19. Your last name stays put.
20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
22. You can kill your own food.
23. The garage is all yours.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
25. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
27. You never have to clean the toilet.
28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
32. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
33. The National College Cheerleading Championship
34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
35. You don't have to shave below your neck.
36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every nite.
37. If you're 34 and single nobody notices.
38. You can write your name in the snow.
39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
40. Everything on your face stays its original color.
41. Chocolate is just another snack.
42. You can be president.
43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
44. Flowers fix everything.
45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
48. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
51. Foreplay is optional.
52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
59. You can watch a game in silence with you buddy for hours without even thinking (He must be mad at me)
60. The world is your urinal.
61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
64. One mood, all the time.
65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
66. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.
67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
69. Same work....more pay.
70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
72. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
77. The remote is yours and yours alone.
78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
79. ESPN's sports center.
80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
81. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell you friends you've changed.
86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "F*#k it!"
88. If an other guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
89. Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.
90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
93. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
97. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?"
99. Baywatch
100. There is always a game on somewhere.

 

I disagree with 92.

And as for 13.

http://ten.com.au/ten/tv_videos.htm...t_seg&vxBitrate=300&CMP=LEC-DANCEgetVideoLink

At 3 mins.

Keep watching for lols.

 

"someday youll be a dirty old man"

dirty old men are the best.

 

This thread has the Empty stamp of approval.

 

my eyes are soo sore after having to read all of em :p
"the world is your urinal"

 

So true...

 

I suppose I would have gone with hysterical but you know close enough.

 

Number 21.

THEY DONT??? D: REALLY??? OMG???

 

Two reasons I don't like being a man.

Getting kicked in the crown jewels,

and

Itchiness.

 

Yeh should change it to 46. You can fap to sex about 90% of your waking hours and still be pro at smashball.

 

101: you can receive, and give penetration while women can only receive.

a women sure is a taker... never giving...

unless... *thinks strap on*

 

Thanks blizzerd

 

The Ancient Greeks had very particular views about taking turns.

 

I'm done reading this thread.

 

did i killed the thread?

im sorry, im just a little drun atm, we both drank a coctail or 2 and he passed out on the couch and left me with all this liquer, im not even a drinker like that but i cant let all this expencive things go sour, because im sure as hell not cleaning up the party or anything while he gets to sleep

so basically, im trying out new combinations, i have a bottle that is green and tastes like babana, something vodka, and some other stuff i dont know but taste like candy

 

i wass choking man, relax etc, i am wel aware of the possibilities of a woman body

 

Choking? I hear some people like that.

 

Empty likes to choke...


(couldn't resist)

 

Obviously I would, but at least im not recieving.

 

I'll have to object to the following:
5 - I don't watch football, soccer, baseball, sports.
8 - A few months ago I had to ask my mother for help.
17 - Who is Stripes?
25 - Wha?
27 - Perhaps, but I still clean it.
28 - Bathtubs ftw D:.
45 - Yesyoudo.
57 - Sure, I'd wreck the car and conclude that I've wrecked it.
64 - Uhh..No.
65 - Actually, I stopped admiring him 3 years ago.
67 - I only know 5, and I don't like beer.
79 - Again, I don't care about sports.
99 - Don't watch that, mainly because I prefer Dexter, Mythbusters and CSI.
100 - Again, sports.