Hello everybody. I've been playing Empires for some time now, and a story set in the Empires-Universe kept spinning in my Head, so i decided to write it down. And because a story can be as good as hell, its still worthless when nobody reads it, I decided to post it here. But first, I wnat to say some things: First of all, this Story is not officialy approved by the Developers. While I'm trying to stay as Canon to the Game as I can, there could be things that are absolutely uncanon. Second, while I'm open for construcive critic, I will not react to posts like "This Idea is stupid, use mine Instead." When you have an Idea for the further Story, or how I could make something better, please, feel free to post it, but I will not completely change the Story just because somebody wants it. Third, while I'm German, i will write the Story in English, because most of you Guys here speak it. So maybe sometimes I use some German Phrases and just translate them without Knowing that they don't make any Sense in English. If this is the Case, please tell me so I can rewrite this passage. So, when this is finished, here Comes the first Chapter. It has no actual name yet and contains absolutely no hints on the further story, it just introduces the main Persons on the Brenodi-Side. I can't even tell if the chapter is finished yet, although i would say so. Just read it and tell me your Opinion. Brenodi Basecamp – August 17th 053 Captain Serena Mayfield, 124th Brigade, 4th Division, Bravo Squad, walked through the cold morning air to the Barracks. Her Squad had a Training set at seven o’clock, and she had to settle a score with the leader of the Alpha Squad, which totally owned Bravo in the last Training. She had promised herself to not let that happen again, and she couldn’t wait to wipe the arrogant smile out of Dexter’s face when HIS squad gets owned this time. Serena entered the barrack of her squad and found her subordinates still asleep. She turned on the lights. “Hey, get up! We have to kick some Asses of the Alpha-Squad!” Lirael Simmons, Bravos Engineer, jumped out of her Bed. “Hell yeah, I’ve been waiting for this. I woke up an hour ago, planning my Revenge at that damned Alpha-Grenadier. Getting shot with a Pistol while carrying a SMG is embarrassing.” Serena smiled. “You’ll get your Revenge! So, what’s up with the rest of you?” Wes Janson, her Heavy-MG Rifleman, pulled his Pillow above his head. “Stop yelling around, will ya? It isn’t even six o’clock, goddamn it! I’m not going nowhere before breakfast!” If he said that to every other officer above him, Wes would have serious problems now. Like his twin brother, Hobbie, Wes gave a shit on rules or discipline. In fact, they both had much problems because of this and were pushed from one squad to another until the landed in Bravo. “Oh yeah, no battles before breakfast!” Hobbie, also a Rifleman, but specialized on the Assault Rifle, rolled around in his bed and looked at her with sleepy eyes. “Breakfast in bed, that would be totally awesome! It would make me feel leet!” Serena started laughing. “Shut up, both of you!” John Blackthorne, grenadier of Bravo, rose from his bed. “You want breakfast in your bed? Here!” He threw to energy bars on them. “Now feel your leetness, and then get your asses outta bed!” “Hey, whadda you think you are? Think you’re the boss here?” “No, but an NF-Soldier wouldn’t wake you before he starts shooting, so you should be ready without a breakfast!” “All NF-Soldiers are Retards! They wouldn’t be that smart.” “Yeah, he’s right! They’re totally different from our Soldiers! We shoot in short precise and deadly Bursts! NF-Soldiers just emptying their Magazines, firing enough bullets and hoping that one hit the Target!” “And what exactly is the difference to you and your heavy MG now?” “A heavy MG is DESIGNED for this Method of firing! Besides, I AM firing in Brusts, and I AM hitting my Target with the first Bullets!” “Guys, quit it!” Serena stopped the fight. “Hold that for Alpha. They deserve it!” Hobbie jumped out of his Bed. “As you wish, noble Lady! Lets kick some Asses!” Two hours later, an angry and upset Alpha-Leader unwillingly congratulated Serena for a awesome Victory of her Squad, taking only one loss in four Rounds while completely crushing his Squad every time. She gave him a very proud smile, then she lead her Squad away. Wes and Hobbie were in a very good mood. “Have you seen how I mowed down his complete Squad in Round two? That was totally awesome!” Wes said cheerfully. “Oh yeah, it was!” Hobbie answered. “Reminded me on that one time, when you mowed down those stupid NF-Engineers when they tried to repair their Jeep in the middle of the battlefield!” “Oh yeah, those Retards! They thought they were Badasses, repairing their Jeep without any cover, and then they died, without knowing what’s happening to them!” “Or those retarded NF-Soldiers, who tried to be Ninja and flank us through the woods!” “Hell yeah! To their bad, they had to learn that Wood can’t stop the Bullets of a heavy machinegun!” Lirael rolled her Eyes. “Okay Guys, you’re the personification of leetness! Could you please keep it down, though? My Head still hurts because of this little bitch of a scout!” “Oh common! Why do we have to stay quiet when you can’t keep your head down?” “Yeah! We earned the Right to Rock today. We totally owned them! Or, to use the words of this historical guy, I’ve forgotten his name: We came, we saw, we kicked some asses!” “Amen!” “Guys, keep quiet, will ya? If I want to see a Squad that isn’t looking for each other, I can visit an NF-Camp! In my Squad, you have to respect each other, got it?” “Yes Boss!” Wes answered. “Party-Pooper!” he murmured to his Brother. “I heard that!”
Ridiculous; Brenodi soldiers are professionals and don't fuck around with other squads. Identifying individuals has "Alpha's Grenadier" should be better worded. Review grammar on capitalization.
The word "owned" should NEVER be used in literature unless denoting previous ownership. To be honest this just doesn't read very well, it just doesn't "flow". Work on your wording....A LOT. I like the general story though. Considering you don't speak English well I can forgive all of the grammar errors and awkward translation. Protip:Words like awesome,ninja,retarded and leetness should be avoided if you ever want to be taken seriously. Could you put the original story here in German so I could read it without crappy translation errors?
Okay, first of all, Thank you for the Answers. @Hamster: Although I accept your personal opinion, I'm pretty sure that Professionals ARE professional because they're trained very well, which actually needs alot of Training. And I don't see any cause that the Individual Squads should NOT want to be the best Squad and should not have some sort of Competition between each other, which doesn't mean that they wouldn't help each other in Battle. @Watermelon: Thank you for your tipps. I used the words "owned" etc. beacuse they were used ingame alot. Maybe that wasn't the best idea. I#m sorry that i can't post the german version, but there is none. I have written the Story in English from the Beginning, also not the best Idea when I think about it know. but I think I will just start again in German, beacuse I had to look up a LOT words while writing. @Muffin: I don't know how much different meanings the word "Penis" has in English, although I'm pretty sure it has the same meaning as the german word; being a name of the sexual organ of male mammals, and I honestly can't find any link between your post and anyone of the others.
