Us two - BE short story [wip]

Discussion in 'Worldbuilding' started by Trid3nt, Dec 4, 2007.

  1. Trid3nt

    Trid3nt Member

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    This is something I wrote during an empty exam period (yes we are forced to do nothing in the hall). Anyway, it's not much, as I fell asleep halfway through, but It's a start:

    The rain poured heavily on our beaten helmets, striking them as if they were rocks being pelted at us from the heavens above. We waited. Thunder crashed nearby, as lightning lit up through the dense black trees that we inhabited. I yawned. My head was splitting open from the inside, the light and noise, along with the bad food and lack of proper drinking water meant that I was delirious, and was stricken with an ill plague. I looked at the man slumped next to me, his faded camouflage was ripped and torn, with blood and dust intermittent with the salty remains of seawater. His eyes closed were, in a cold sleep. He needed it. I needed it, but I had to keep watch. We had been through it all together, training, our first combat. I had seen more of him than I had of my fiancée back in Bren. She had probably moved on by now. Cursed war.

    The rumble of artillery opened the night up to exchanges of gunfire. There was probably an offensive brewing. I opened the flask that was next to me and sipped it’s contents. It was lukewarm. I shook myself to get warmer, then helped myself to one of the hard biscuits, which shattered in my mouth, and seemingly ripped apart my gums. The man next to me stirred. I checked my watch,
    “You’re up early” I whispered. He seemed to grasp out, as he rolled over, and sat up. He made to clench his side, but left it. “Sleep funny, eh?” I asked. He simply nodded weakly, and threw the remainder of the flask down his throat. “Did you sleep well then?” He nodded again, and we both smiled. We were stuck in an enemy held forest, and I was wondering how he slept.

    We both sat in silence for a good few minutes, looking out to see if anyone was coming, and looking in to make sure the other was still alive. I looked in after a fairly long wait, and he was sitting down, cleaning his rifle. We had both fired off hundreds of rounds in the past campaign, and, since we’d been cut off from our unit, we’d had little time to clean out remnants from the little ammunition we had allowed ourselves to spare. I looked as his face. He seemed so tired. Nothing was left, none of the joy, happiness or comedy was left there, as if it had been drained out of him. I almost felt the same, and I began thinking about what we had been through.

    Our first combat had been 5 years ago. I could remember it perfectly. Like now, it had been raining. The craters which dotted the land had been so full of water that they had been indistinguishable from the flat land, and many had gotten stuck in the treacherous mud, and some had been saved. The others had never been seen again. We had gotten across, me and my friend, and come toe to toe with the Northern Faction forces. I had killed 3 alone by the time we left the first trench, and by the end of the day, not one man in our company, lest those who died, had killed less than 5 enemy soldiers. And so vividly could I remember the events that took place the day after.

    In the night, a patrol had been captured. I had been devastated, and was one of the first to join up for the rescue mission. I had to save my friend. Of the six that went out, only he survived when we engaged the captors and looked in their camp. After we got back, we made a vow. If one of us did die, the other would take revenge, whether it meant death, or worse.
     
  2. Ikalx

    Ikalx Member

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    Nice. It's pretty easy to read as well...lets see what happens next ^^
     
  3. picard131

    picard131 Member

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    Learn to Read With Empires! (ages 3-7)
     
  4. bwmcmaste

    bwmcmaste Member

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    Yes, a very good story. made excellent by that attribute. I hate reading long-winded two-pagers and this fellow has managed to compile a nice little descriptive yarn.
     
  5. Trid3nt

    Trid3nt Member

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    Okay, completed, though it may have a few inconsistencies, since I wrote the first bit quite a while ago. Anyway, here is the completed version:

    Start from the italics if you still remember the old part

    The rain poured heavily on our beaten helmets, striking them as if they were rocks being pelted at us from the heavens above. We waited. Thunder crashed nearby, as lightning lit up through the dense black trees that we inhabited. I yawned. My head was splitting open from the inside, the light and noise, along with the bad food and lack of proper drinking water meant that I was delirious, and was stricken with an ill plague. I looked at the man slumped next to me, his faded camouflage was ripped and torn, with blood and dust intermittent with the salty remains of seawater. His eyes closed were, in a cold sleep. He needed it. I needed it, but I had to keep watch. We had been through it all together, training, our first combat. I had seen more of him than I had of my fiancée back in Bren. She had probably moved on by now. Cursed war.

    The rumble of artillery opened the night up to exchanges of gunfire. There was probably an offensive brewing. I opened the flask that was next to me and sipped its contents. It was lukewarm. I shook myself to get warmer, and then helped myself to one of the hard biscuits, which shattered in my mouth and ripped apart my gums. The man next to me stirred. I checked my watch.
    “You’re up early” I whispered. He seemed to grasp out, as he rolled over, and sat up. He made to clench his side, but left it. “Sleep funny, eh?” I asked. He simply nodded weakly, and threw the remainder of the flask down his throat. “Did you sleep well then?” He nodded again, and we both smiled. We were stuck in an enemy held forest, and I was wondering how he slept.

    We both sat in silence for a good few minutes, looking out to see if anyone was coming, and looking in to make sure the other was still alive. I looked in after a fairly long wait, and he was sitting down, cleaning his rifle. We had both fired off hundreds of rounds in the past campaign, and, since we’d been cut off from our unit, we’d had little time to clean out remnants from the little ammunition we had allowed ourselves to spare. I looked as his face. He seemed so tired. Nothing was left, none of the joy, happiness or comedy was left there, as if it had been drained out of him. I almost felt the same, and I began thinking about what we had been through.

    Our first combat had been 5 years ago. I could remember it perfectly. Like now, it had been raining. The craters which dotted the land had been so full of water that they had been indistinguishable from the flat land, and many had gotten stuck in the treacherous mud, and some had been saved. The others had never been seen again. We had gotten across, me and my friend, and come toe to toe with the Northern Faction forces. I had killed 3 alone by the time we left the first trench, and by the end of the day, not one man in our company, lest those who died, had killed less than 5 enemy soldiers. And so vividly could I remember the events that took place the day after.

    In the night, one of our patrols had been captured. I had been devastated, and was one of the first to join up for the rescue mission. I had to save my friend. Of the six that went out, only he survived when we engaged the captors and looked in their camp. After we got back, we made a vow. If one of us did die, the other would take revenge, whether it meant death, or worse.

    I looked back again, he had taken a position, looking out. His eyes were set on the horizon, looking for threats and enemies, yet, in the faint moonlight, I saw tears welling in the corners of his eyes.
    “You okay?” I whispered lightly. He simply nodded, and indicated that I should sleep. I didn’t press any further, and laid my head down on the ammo filled bergen. My eyes we heavy, but I couldn’t sleep. I looked up and saw the overhanging branches split the moonlight into fragments, which landed, illuminating parts of the clearing. At any other time, I thought it would be beautiful. I suddenly noticed the artillery had stopped, and the final cracks of gunfire were dying out. I tried to think of my wife and kids back home, but their faces wouldn’t come. I tried to remember the feel of the day the woman I loved and I held hands and kissed under the altar. Alas, it didn’t come. A tear of my own rolled down my muddy cheek. I truly was alone in the world, aside from him. I sighed, rolled over, and desperately tried to sleep.

    My eyes adjusted to the weak sunlight as I opened my eyes the next morning. I swore, and rolled over,
    “You forgot to wake me idiot!” No reply. “Are... are you asleep?” I punched him in the leg. Still, there was no reply. I began to get worried,
    “no, no. You can’t. Wake up, come on!” I was hitting him harder and harder. I slowly stopped, and slumped over him, sobbing. His cheek was cold.
    “Why?” I got up, and looked down him. What had happened? I rolled him over, and ripped off his armour. Under his left arm was a small bloody hole. How he had lived for as long as he did, I couldn’t say, it must have been from the fire fight 2 days before. It didn’t matter anymore. I had a debt to repay. I dug a trench, then lightly laid his body in the soft ground, placing his badge, a slide from his name tags under his helmet. After I had placed rocks around it, I picked up my bags, and left, tears streaming down my eyes. This was it.

    It wasn’t long before I caught sight of an enemy patrol, 5 men, looking bored, and not paying attention. I threw in a grenade, which none of them saw. The blast ripped through them. I opened fire, spraying the land in lead, till nothing moved. After I waited to see if there were any still alive, I stood up, and walked over to the charred corpses. I walked over to one, blackened corpse, and fired a pistol round into its face. It didn’t deserve to have lived. I carried on down the forested road, until nightfall, at which time, I spotted a camp, far in the distance, it’s fires faint through the trees. There was the northern faction flag, fluttering in the wind up ahead, I knew what I had to do. They wouldn’t be expecting an attack. I checked my equipment; I have a few grenades, two sticky bombs, and 4 magazines. Enough to get revenge.

    I approached the base, and threw a grenade, tripping as I did so. It landed short of its mark. I threw another, which landed in their base, exploding with the sounds of screaming. Machinegun fire ripped around me, but didn’t find its mark, so I carried on throwing grenades. Eventually, a bullet hit me, ripping through my shoulder. I fell, the grenade in my hand dropping next to me. In a panic, I brushed it away, and it exploded in the air, spraying me with shrapnel. I couldn’t stand. The utter of a Light Tank resounded. It was close. I grabbed for my bag, and found what I needed; a sticky bomb. The tank drew closer and closer, and I willed it not to run me over. It passed me, inches to my left, I pulled the pin on the bomb, and planted it on the Tank. It was the last thing I did. Revenge was complete. The gods were smiling.
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2008
  6. Zehtuka

    Zehtuka Member

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    Nice one!


    Is it me or is he killing his own team?

    I spotted a Brenodi camp- seems he is NF

    The utter of a !!!Light Tank!!! resounded. It was close. I grabbed for my bag, and found what I needed; a sticky bomb. The tank drew closer and closer, and I willed it not to run me over. It passed me, inches to my left, I pulled the pin on the bomb, and planted it on the Tank- He is killing his own tank? what a traitor!

    I think LT needs to be replaced with AFV
     
  7. Trid3nt

    Trid3nt Member

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    It's a BE. I mistyped :D

    Yea, it's fixed now
     
  8. Zehtuka

    Zehtuka Member

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    Lol I started wondering if you encouraged griefing............. :headshot:
     
  9. KILLX

    KILLX Banned

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    Trid3nt, grief? dont make me laugh. hes the one punting griefers to the sun :p
     

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