I had the write an essay for my English class, and I'd need a peer review. Please note any spelling and grammatical errors. And please give me your criticism. Emp-Ire "The cause and effect of EmpiresMod rage" EmpiresMod is a total conversion of half-life two into an RTS/FPS hybrid. One player assumes the role of the commander, and the others form the ranks of military. Not the most famous aspect of the mod, no, that belongs to the raging anger and aggression that the empire's players direct at each other, lovingly refered to as "Emp-ire". This phenomenon is caused by a number of things: the dependence on teamwork, language barriers, and basic miscommunication. A team of players on EmpiresMod can range anywhere from 5 to 30 players. Combined with a scale of the maps played, a lot of coordination is needed to successfully win a campaign. Players must work together to advance positions and orchestrate complex maneuvers. However these are not trained soldiers, players will often do as they wish and not listen to the instructions of the commander and teammates. This builds a distrust between almost all members of the team,(whether not a player will be there when you need him is always up to chance). Empires is also played over a great many continents. Players from all over the world gather online to move together and win battles. The set standard for language is English, many European players know English as a secondary language, however miscommunications are bound to happen. Would it be the time a foreign player uses to decipher what his teammates are saying or a complete cultural misunderstanding there will always be a number of these players that can not follow instructions well. Is break in communication can be fatal for the team. Empires is a complex game. There isn't much terminology that has to be learned when you play. Some players are slower with this than others and will simply not understand what the more experienced players are saying. There's also discrepancies in word use of individuals. Some players navigate by a coordinate grid, while others use the directions of the compass. Experienced players will use acronyms, and new players will describe what the object looks like. This builds up a feeling of tension between old and new players, typically ending in segregation. So in conclusion, combination then necessity to work together, and the many barriers in communication result in a feeling of tension, distrust, and raw anger that drives many players into fits of rage. Spouting obscenities, insults, grunts, and snarls in an attempt to express their frustration in a simple and non language hindered method. The frequency of these reactions have warranted their own tittle. Emp-ire. The above opinions and observations are based on the independent study conducted by Nathan Vess of the empiresmod culture: 2005-2010, dictated 3/1/2010
to the layperson, the first two paragraphs probably make no sense. also, i would advocate use of the active voice. what is your current level of education?
I read this far. I'm expecting there's an in-joke regarding the thread, but... EmpiresMod IS. And use 2 instead of two. It is Half-life 2, not half-life two. Accuracy trumps standard grammar in the case, because that's part of the name. Imo only tho - and I ain't no grate authoritah on gramar.
Some of the sentence structure is fucked, starting a sentence with is, is just plain wrong. Split up the subjects better, use transition sentencing, as well as indents to cause pauses, or breaks in the essay. I'd give that essay a D for grammatical errors, using a subject that would not be understood by anyone in the class, and being a nerd who can't write essays. I hope you don't have to read this out loud, or your hopes of losing your virginity in high school are over. Trolling complete commander.
I would be willing to review a seriously thought out paper, probably more than a dozen times the length of this. Seriously though, looking through this it just seems that you want us to be grammar checkers.
What the hell do you guys do in english. This doesn't follow any essay structure I know of, it's a 150 word discussion with no depth or organisation.
In Highschool, I was taught organization and structure. In College, I was taught how to break, bend, and manipulate that structure to fit my needs.
150 words is still pitiful. And you still USE the structure, you manipulate it, but you don't IGNORE it.
You only ignore it when you don't know about it. You can break it when you do know how to, to serve a function.
There are two types of essays - long ass pieces of ramble which cover all the points. These would usually fail in style if at any level other than regular school which just looks for someone covering points. The second type is the clearly thought out, concise argument covering all the viewpoints and postulating on the reasons and contributing factors for these effects. The causes, if you will. This is just in my opinion of course, as i'm an uneducated hobo who failed English twice, and never got better than a D for essays :p
They do. I like the form INTRODUCTION (including main argument) ARGUMENT FOR MAIN THESIS1 ARGUMENT FOR MAIN THESIS 2 COUNTERPOINT TO COUNTERARGUMENT CONCLUSION However, you can pretty much do it however you want as long as it makes sense.
the majority of the errors came from the speech recognition app. The structure was broken due to a copy paste error. thanks so far. I'll attempt to edit it now.
