Today, on my duty day, I brought some food with me like I normally do so that I wouldn't starve over the course of 24 hours. An unjust crime was committed against me while I was on watch. I came off watch to find my box of hot pockets missing from the freezer. I was first met with confusion. "Did I forget the box of hot pockets at home and merely imagine placing them in the freezer?" Confusion gave way to anger. "Fucking thieving motherfucker!" Anger led to accusations. "How did my hot pockets taste you little bitch?!" False accusations, unfortunately. Finally, I realized who the real perpetrator was, a conniving bastard who would have no remorse over stealing someone else's food. This is the first time that this has ever happened as the doors are locked with a combo lock while I'm on watch. There are only three other people who know the combo that I am aware of, and I eliminated two of the people. Now, the question is what to do? I would love to place a new box of hot pockets in the freezer on my next duty day, carefully opened and resealed with laxative scarcely injected throughout each pocket through the plastic seal. It would be hilarious to imagine this bastard standing watch, unable to leave the reactor plant when a sudden case of diahhrea comes about. Unfortunately, I think this is a one time occurrence, and I doubt I could get him to eat the tainted hot pockets. What should I do?
Do it anyway. If he doesn't take them, you could always feed them to some birds and that would just be awesome.
Well, I am in favor of all of the trapped hot pockets, but wouldn't a simpler solution be to get a new combo lock? OR................................*goes upstairs to get .357*
Kill him. Here are your options: Gather your friends in the Empires community and light tank rush his ass when he's off duty Or, just go Grenader IRL and mine his car. Next morning when he leaves for his morning beer-and-gay-porn run, BOOM Or just Splinter-Cell that theif once it gets dark, and dump his body in the forgiving sea. That should do it.
Carefully hide an MP3 player somewhere in the room that plays nothing but one spice girls song over and over for the next time he has to do that thing you do.
Woah,,, you dont want to kill him?! thats a bit harsh,, i like the laxative idea tho,, you could probably just give them to him in the chocolate form,, im sure he would know they were in the hotpockets,, unless they have flavorless pill forms or somthing
Next time he is on duty get a friend to help you gag and blindfold him (optionally knocking him out). Take him to a small room and sit him in a chair with a very bright light shining in his eyes. Start speaking russian with your friend behind him with him stilled gagged and bound. Get into a big argument with your friend in russian and make it obvious to the victim that you are discussing whether or not you should kill him. Have your friend storm out after apparently losing the argument to kill him then leave him sitting there for about 5 or 10 minutes as you pace back and forward just behind his vision. Then have your friend come running back in preferably using a different voice to tell you cheerfully that the ship has been successfully taken and that you are needed to arm the missiles. Untie your victim and leave him gagged with his hands bound behind his back but standing in the room. Leave through the door before he can see who you are. Pretend that you are locking the door but leave it unlocked. Watch from a safe distance and see how long it takes him to realise the door is unlocked and then see what he does afterwards. Optionally record all of this and post it on here for us to watch afterwards.
Ninja his house when he's not on duty and take it apart with your gameboy before he wakes up. If you've got the repair upgrade, then it will only take a few seconds. Then you can watch his face as he wakes up in a house with no walls.
I heard of an old prank about getting a few friends together and taking a car apart and putting it back together inside a house. Im sure you can do something similar. After re-reading the post... 24 hours is more then enough time to do it. muhaha.
This one or the boobytrap... The Spice Girls thing is too cruel, even for a crime like that... way too cruel. Or you could just make a coup de loup just ouside his car... and if you like to be cruel fill it with punji sticks. :D
OR get a new combo lock like I said o_0 We don't want to put Krenz's job in jeopardy over a hot pocket, though I would also recommend talking about hot pockets non-stop when in his presence. He'd probably break in to a cold sweat, look around, and eventually break down to you :D
