Empires: Empire of the Black Rose

Empires: Empire of the Black Rose (Discussion Thread)

This thread is for the discussion of the series itself.

Please look there for this series:

Chapter 1 - Orders

Chapter 2 - Sand
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OOO, an Empress! I like it

 

This is perfect! I just wish you would post it in my thread. I saw that you kept my story in mind by mentioned the 6th as a Senate division and in the badlands.

If you post over there then we can have interactive stories.

 

Really? Hell yeah!

Also, I'd like to point out, the empress mentions the planned deployment of forces to the south (To tie in with your NF pilot story) and deployment to the northern mountains (To tie into your Brenodi story).

I also have a friend of mine who is a very talented artist, drawing up the imperial emblem, she's going to color it, scan it and touch it up in Photoshop and send it my way in a few days. I've seen the non-colored first draft and it's amazing, basically a shield with the Brenodi Iron cross and background circle. The iron cross itself has a Black rose wrapped around it. It looks very good I'll post it when I get a chance.

Wait does this mean my story is cannon?

 

yes, its cannon but I have final word. Meaning if you post that the Brenodi create a super weapon that vaporizes all of Jekotia I can veto that. :-)

Im so thrilled to finally have another writer in my thread.

 

Well of course, that'd just be plain stupid. Although I do have something along the lines of a superweapon planned it's nothing more than a 1 mile deep derelict. that's in like what... one scene?

 

Angry's canon! Congratulations!

 

you should PM me about the deralict thingy.

 

...wait a minute...this whole topic board and you only have two writers?

I dont want to poke holes in it angry, just thought i'd point out that this:

Should be more like "Startled, I quickly turned around and saluted her." Or "Startled, I quickly turned around to salute her."

 

Ive tried to get other people to write there too but no one would agree.

As for the writing error, its the plot and effort that matters. We can all help him. I like his story.

 

Now that's just sad...I should read more here.

S'fine if yer just affer the plot, I dunnae mind about spellin'...he got his point across affer all.

 

Yeah I just realized this, fixed, Keep in mind this is the largest and first serious writing piece I've done. I'd really be happy if you guys posted your comments and suggestions. Such things only serve to improve my writing.

I was a bit fizzled out when I wrote this chapter so there are a few mistakes, I've seem to have caught the majority of them. I'll start on chapter two tomorrow I have a good idea of what I'm going to write.

 

I love how the two main sides in Empires have such differing ideologies. It really makes a great set piece for diverse characters.

 

Alright kiddies, chapter 2 is up. EotBR now has 200% more CV flipping action.

 

I understand this statement, but not fully. If I grasp the concept correctly, Jekotians are a patriotic, fiercely loyal people with strong family bonds, right? I can't think of an analog for a modern day culture right now, but I'm sure someone can explain what I mean. And the Brenodi are somewhat like the old British Empire, knee-deep in the royalty and politics of an Imperial Senate and Empire.

 

They're space Scots!

 

...did you mean NF or BE? :p

Ch2 was more interesting than 1 imo, if flowed better from scene to scene...or whatever they call it. I don't know how Don does it but I can't do that descriptive lotr style, so if yer like me, one thing I like to keep in mind is that dialogue is good.

 

We'll this is actually my first major writing piece, I try to keep it detailed for the most part but keep alot of the smaller details out so the reader can draw his own picture.

Memoirs of a war torn land is very good, it takes time, just make sure you keep things detailed and put in small bits to cross over into the next scene.

 

Wait, you dont like the dialog in my stories?

 

Eh? Who? Me? I love your stories, I didn't say anything about your dialog.