Before the Kolntus-Emin War the Brenodi Empire crushed the Chrono Empire which was a great Empire and did not have sufficient weaponry to fight the Brenodi's during our defeat. What they did not crush was our unwillingness to die. The few that were remaining scattered and are now unheard of. Some say that they joined Northern Faction to get their revenge and some say that some joined the Brenodi side as traitors. Of the few that joined Northern Faction there is one man, that man has not been seen but he only has one purpose... to resurrect the Chrono Empire under a new name, the Chrono Elite Legion, as swiftly as possible to bring the fight to the Brenodi once again through many timely swift attacks.
i like it, its short and silly but because its short no time is lost if you dont like it and read it and if you read it, its short enough to make the whole thing entertaining without bland parts 5stars
<Warning>Evidence anything I write for work goes under review by a man with a Masters in English Literature</Warning> If you wish to improve upon it: Before the Kolntus-Emin War the Brenodi Empire crushed the Chrono Empire which was a great Empire and did not have sufficient weaponry to fight the Brenodi's during our defeat. Run on (can correct with use of commas or break into separate sentences), as well as possible overuse of the word Empire, consider rewrite. Also, perspective changes, as suddenly it is "our defeat" an not the expected "their defeat". Avoid peacock terms such as "which was a great Empire", tell us why they were great or leave it out. What they did not crush was our unwillingness to die. A Litotes, but people may confuse it for a double negative, either way not appropriate here. Change "our" to "their" and consider revision turning "unwillingness to die" into a positive such as "determination to live". Also, at that point, saying "could not crush" implies more fortitude onto the fallen Chronos people. The few that were remaining scattered and are now unheard of. Some say that they joined Northern Faction to get their revenge and some say that some joined the Brenodi side as traitors. Consider revision to "The few that remained". It puts emphasis on the past tense, currently "were" is past and "remaining" is present tense. It says Some say they joined NF, and some say that "some of them joined BE?" Suspected typo. Of the few that joined Northern Faction there is one man, that man has not been seen but he only has one purpose... This confirms that at least some joined the Northern Faction, but one sentence prior it's "some say" as if no one knows. If the scattered refugees are unheard of, and this man has not been seen, how can anyone know of his existence, the fact he sided with NF, or his purpose? [...] to resurrect the Chrono Empire under a new name, the Chrono Elite Legion, as swiftly as possible to bring the fight to the Brenodi once again through many timely swift attacks. Unless CEL is limited to "timely swift attacks" I would drop the last part, as it suggests they are somehow restricted in their tactics either by physical or mental means. If you wish to include their preferred tactics, you could say something to the effect of "[...] Brenodi once again, and favoring the timely swift attacks that had once brought great fear to the known world" or if you wish to go more vague "[...] Brenodi once again, and unleashing the brutal guerrilla tactics that helped them build their great Empire of long ago." Also, double use of the word "swift" should be avoid, synonyms include rapid, speedy, unexpected, nimble, and prompt, among others. It's a good short read, and you don't NEED to change anything, but if you wish for critical thought, there you go
tl;dr nah i did. go creativity! you can come to my birthday, empty is just angry because he can't come because he has no soul
I wrote a new story that is much more descriptive then the previous version. The Chrono Empire was an empire not like any other, in the fact that our Empire spanned through many ages. How we achieved this you ask? Our Empire was based off a technology we’ve developed that allowed us to travel through time. The branch of this Empire in this day and age of Jekotia and Brenodi war has been destroyed. The Brenodi wanted a way to stop Jekotia from ever being created, but they could not find a way to do this. Brenodi scanners detected a large energy burst in what was marked as a remote area on Brenodi intel maps. They sent a scout team to check out this energy blast, what they found amazed them. They found an entire city of people that seemed to be much superior in technology then Brenodi was. After the scouts reported back to Brenodi intelligence they organized a squad to take the city and its technology. We had intel drones that the scouts did not see patrolling our city. These drones alerted the city people that there was a large militant force approaching. Since we did not have anything to defend ourselves with, everyone evacuated into the time warp machine. Everyone was sent to a new chapter in the Chrono Empire history. Two people stayed behind though and they were captured. They were thrown in prison but not for long. They escaped from the Brenodi prison with a specialized tool they hid on them. These two took different paths after they broke out though; one joined Northern Faction in order to find members to join the new Chrono Empire chapter called the Chrono Elite Legion (the first militant Chrono force). The other joined Brenodi with the same goal.
